Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Happy Birthday you fuck-head.


5 Years ago today 
You should have been with us in Kalamazoo
We should have been there that night with you.
There's no one, nothing but life itself to blame.
And yet I still wish I could go back to that day
for one more chance at everything.

You were a professional; a dreamer, a schemer, a drinker and an eater.
You loved her and too many hers loved you, but who's counting. 
You legend, you linger in the last laugh of every night. 

We repeat your words. We sing your praises. We ask why?
Then we say thank you and good-bye 
until next time
just like the last time.
You live in us
We live in you.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

A new color.


Yuendumu Community, NT, AUSTRALIA

Tonight after work I ate a quick meal of leftover stew and a pear. I didn't even sit down. I fed my dog friends one big plastic spoonful at a time from a can of cheap dog spam. Then they followed me and some human friends to the old folks home where we went to pay our respects to Bessie Nakamara Sims. 
Bessie is one of the top artists at Warlukurlangu Art Centre. She's also one of my favourite old ladies there. She has a march to her movements and a good handshake. A handshake amongst Yapa people carries a bit more meaning than just a formal greeting. There's not much of a shake really, it's more of a firm hold and it conveys a level of trust and respect. Bessie was the first to offer her hand to me.

Last week Bessie Sims walked into the art centre with the same eagerness as usual, ready to finish a hefty size 122cm x 91cm canvas she'd been working on. But I over heard her say that she wasn't feeling well and wanted to take it home. By that Sunday I got word that she had gone to the hospital in town and had been diagnosed with Leukaemia in it's fatal stage. Now here I was on Wednesday evening approaching her bed to say goodbye to her. 
Bessie was surrounded by her family, many of them artists and elder leaders of the community. They welcomed us in and cleared a spot next to her. She propped up with squinty eyes and extended her hand to me. This time I held it with both my hands and dropped down to my knees. Her palm was warm and leathery, still firm. I didn't say anything and I didn't need to. I had done this once already before almost 9 years ago. 
As I stepped back she put her thumb up in the air and said “Yua” Yes.

Normally after an occasion like that I would go and get a drink somewhere quiet. But Yuendumu is a dry community. And it's never quiet. So instead I sat outside on a corner of the wrap around porch where nobody goes and I taught myself the blues on the ukulele.
It was 5 chords combined with a slow strum that came from the darkest part of the heart. Once I had them figured out I could do anything I wanted with them. I played and played and played.

And suddenly I wasn't in the same place anymore.
And I realized that I wasn't consciously playing anymore, but the music was projecting out of me.
And I heard the chuckle of a ghost that I could only presume was Robert Johnson.
And it felt like a new kind of salvation.
And I couldn't help but laugh at why I never tried to play the blues earlier. 
Tonight was the night. And every night after this will be different.

I was playing the blues naturally. And not on account of a lost love or a young philly who ran off with my heart and my money. My first blues was for a 70-something year old indigenous lady at the end of her existence. Blues for Bessie Sims.

It's been a long time coming, but I finally learned to play a musical instrument the way I've always imagined. Eyes closed. Soul howling. 
It was the saddest dream I've lived out. Bittersweet 'till the bitter end.

God..... you're a righteous bastard.


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Chapter 11



October 26, 2011
Alice Springs, Northern Territory, Australia


Dear Jeff,

It's 1:53 in the morning. I just got home from my first concert in Alice. We're talkin' small town living here bro...as close to Byron as a chap can get in the land down under. Well, hold up, I'm exaggerating a bit, I'm in the middle of the fuckin' desert. But that didn't stop Naughty By Nature from coming here, coincidentally on the last day of the Jeff Darling memorial. You son of a bitch. I can't wait to meet up with you again and talk about tonight. Seriously, there's no way you didn't have a hand in this happening. Thank you. They obviously played everything from our hey-days. Everything I know and love because of you, bumping it loud without limits in the basement of Cindy May's house, way back in the day when death and disease and responsibility seemed like a century away from us. We were untouchable and we didn't even fully know it. We were too young to realize what we had.
Thankfully, I'm lucky and aware enough to look back on that now.

What am I doing here in Alice? Maybe you know. I don't. I just know it feels right. I belong here for the time being until I wipe my financial slate clean and figure out the new what next. I forget a lot of important things that I shouldn't. But I'll never forget this time of year, and specifically the last solid life talk I had with you. We both shed tears. You were stoned and I was coked out. It was a rare occasion for both of us. You told me you wanted to leave town, maybe move to California and “Kramer” your way into show business. I supported that all the way. If anyone could've done it, it would've been you. I still believe that. It kills me that no one will ever see the stuff we filmed in Vancouver. What fucks me up the most is that losing my Mom made me stronger, but losing you made me doubt everything. I didn't know what to do for a long time. I guess I still don't. In the past three years since you've been gone I've made a lot of changes. Most recently, a very drastic one; I'm on my own again. If you ever want to interject on my life just throw something at me. I'll understand and respond accordingly.

P.S. Two things didn't work out tonight:  I was supposed to go back-stage with my buddy Joe, who is a magician. He was hired to perform tricks for Treach and the boys after the show and I was asked to be the camera man, but a bull-dyke security guard led me astray and I found myself outside amidst a shit load of pointless fights for taxis. I had to walk home alone in the darkness with a rolled up fist-full of coins. And the other thing is they didn't play “jamboree” and I was really pissed.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

To the Vagrant Optimist,

                I'm just writing to remind you that you're moving to Australia in less than 3 days and maybe you should quite literally get your shit together and either ship it home or pack it into your dirty, green n' purple back-pack from the 80's.
First order of business; get some sleep, and try not to piss the bed like Tuesday. How old are you man?
Call me tomorrow morning when you're ready to jam. Every remaining hour in Thailand is valuable, so no more farewell drinks and dinners, kapeesh.

jfsdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddjffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffjjjjjjjsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss


Try not to pass out on the keyboard either.


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Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Disfunctional Diary of India- Day 47: The last 24 (or 48 ) hours


We were both on a natural high after such a humbling experience with the fellas in Karala, and because of that I'm having a hard time in accurately remembering what we did on this last day (it may have even been 2 days). We had spent the previous night back at the Namaskar hotel and walked to a ritzy movie theater to see 'The Hangover part 2'. The theater was impressive. The movie was a let down. When it was over we ran through a hard rain back to the hotel. Maybe I was hit by lightning, but for some strange reason I don't have much recollection of today's events, other than waiting to meet a famous tattoo artist on a three wheeler outside of a restaurant. He never showed up, and then we almost missed our train to the border, where we would cross into Nepal. It was the first air conditioned train we'd been on and as it zoomed past the farmlands the kids would throw rocks at the windows. I was reading, leaning my head on one that was hit and smashed on the outer pane. How could I forget that.
Next thing I knew, we were on a cramped bus with a leaky roof, eating seasoned cucumbers and enjoying the damp air of a dusty Nepali sunset.

One of my greatest accomplishments on this journey was the writing pursuit of this diary, which I successfully kept up with. Or maybe it was the diary that kept up with me. Hmmm.
Although my time in India was brief, it was a breath of something underrated, something incredible hidden behind a delicate curtain of misunderstanding and dirt. I entered the country without expectations and left with an awareness. A brand new feeling for life that hasn't faded and, if anything, it's still building. There are certain drugs that make the realistic world seem unrealistic. People use them to escape a time and place they don't want to deal with or more proactively, they use them to see outside the box and find a way to rise above it. But India is a drug in itself that makes an already unrealistic environment seem more realistic and easier for foreigners to grasp. It's definitely not for everyone. In fact, to fully embrace it one must let themselves go and check things like time, patience and sophistication at the door. They're not used much here. And it won't take long for this one country to change your perception about the rest of the world. In my case it took less than two months. Now that I'm removed from it I know that there's even more waiting to be discovered behind that fucked up curtain. Until then, Namaste.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

A Disfunctional Diary of India - Chandigarh to Karala: Day 41- 46

Jon and I both woke up at the same time, in the same way. It was 10:00 and we were surprised and a little unsure where we were. Rony's little brother was sleeping calmly in between us in the middle of the bed. The other guys were out on the floor. We got up eager to take care of business and get on the road back to Delhi, but we knew we had to do it politely. Our spontaneous hosts had a whole day planned for us. They wanted to show us all over town and help them meet girls. It took some time to just settle on a breakfast and a quick visit with Nanu's father who had recently suffered from a mean stroke.
We wanted to be out of Chandigarh by noon, but it was difficult to neglect such genuine hospitality.
Golden Macenzie was fixed and road worthy, and there we stood, out in front of Rony's appartment as the clock leaned on 1:00. The fellas just couldn't bare to say goodbye, so they got on their bikes and rode with us to the edge of town where we shook hands and patted backs while in motion on the highway. Then Jon n' I punched it outta there like Fonda n' Hopper.
I don't remember when we entered Delhi and found our way back to Tony's bike shop, but there was time to walk to the liquor store for a cold Kingfisher before Tony showed up. While waiting in line there I had a few words with a drunk old boy who asked me if I liked whiskey. "It's practically my last name." I said. I'm sure he didn't understand me, but nonetheless he spun around and ordered a small bottle of single malt something-or-other and then placed it in my hands and kissed them. The only words I could muster in my surprise were "Donde-baht Bai", Thank you brother, in bad Hindi language. I know he understood that though, and he smiled and stumbled off down the dark, busy street.
We finally got to meet the face of Tony's bike shop and sit in his air conditioned office to discuss our journey and haggle over prices for minor repairs while we sipped on our Kingfishers. At one point he excused himself and left the office, so I used his phone to call Rimpy, one of the guy's we'd met in Khir Ganga. He was stoked to hear from us and quickly made arrangements to pick us up at the last sky-train station on the edge of the city. We had a lot riding on the hope that we could stay with these guys for at least a night or two. It would help our limited budget out severely. After getting our deposit back from Tony, we had 20,000 rupees ($427.26) each to carry us for the remaining 5 days in India and 15 days in Nepal (30 days for Jon). A bit tricky, considering this crew that we were on our way to meet. They were around the same age as us, and it was evident that they wanted to show us a good time. We would have to do our best to hold back. I felt bad at first because I couldn't remember any of their names except for Rimpy and Bundy, who were the most talkative. The funniest one in the group was short and pudgy with the mannerisms of John Belushi. We learned his name was Pawan when they picked us up at the station. With him was Rimpy and their friend they called 'Priest.' They called him that because he was a spiritual cat who liked to lecture.
The first place we went was Rimpy's appartment where the boys informed us that we needed to take a shower before we proceeded to their village. It hadn't occurred to me how haggard we were after that last long day of riding. It was pretty great to be clean again, but the hot shower made me tired, so we smoked the last of our charas to wake up for an evening without expectations. Little did we know then that one evening would turn into 5 days and 5 nights, living like long lost brothers with this tight-knit gang of Jat Indians in their unforgettable village of Karala. Sometimes life really does save the best for last. This was it right here. This lesser known village and it's next generation of leaders, taking us in as one of their own. It was all very natural at the time, but looking back on it now it feels surreal and I wonder why?
That first night in Karala we met up with the entire gang, including the guys we'd met in Khir Ganga and more. They had their own club house of sorts, which was called "the office." And it was technically the business quarters of Pawan's own cable company. We were still pretty faded and now into the whiskey. We felt comfortable enough to express how funny we thought it was that Pawan owned a cable company and we were all sitting around getting ripped at his office, which contained two squeaky couches, a warped wooden table and a kitchen in the back that looked like it had once been on fire. Like a sandlot team, the Karala boys took pride in introducing each other to us and describing what everyone did for work. They had a man for almost every occasion:
Priest was a teacher, Kala was studying to be a doctor, Rimpy was studying to be a journalist, Bunty was into some sort of business law, Mo was a cop, and the rest of them were players in Pawan's business, which we slowly learned was much more than a cable company.
Over the course of our days there we were taken to every household and introduced to the family of every guy in the core of the group. It was a humbling experience in which all of the elders touched our heads and blessed us. Then we were required to eat a meal. It didn't matter if we were hungry or not. It was customary. And so we left every house feeling bloated and ready for a thanksgiving nap. We slept and ate and drank more in those last days in Karala than we did during our entire journey through India. Those hospitable brothers would not let us pay for anything. At one point I foolishly asked why, to which Rimpy replied "We were taught to treat guests like gods." Amen to that boys.
At night we would always reconvene with everyone at the office for drinks and entertaining exchanges of questions and cultural differences. Jon n' I learned a lot of dirty Hindi words there and educated them in our own dialect as well. Indeed, I truly felt like I was in the Byron town of India. 
We slept almost every night at Pawans's house, in the room that he had spent the sacred first night with his wife in. There were still decorations taped on the walls.
Pawan's house was the place to be because it was located in the center of the village. We found out that Pawan, the loveable John Belushi type was the next in line to be the village leader. His grandparents had been the founders of Karala. There was a shrine for them in a small yard where the family's yak was kept. Because of his inheritance Pawan had his hands in the majority of the business that flowed through the village. Some it was illegal of course, but from what I could tell he did his best to keep it real and clean. It was generally drug free but there was a small gun trade which they joked about openly. In fact, during one of our visits to a family household there was an unloaded 9mm being played with. As I said earlier, it all seemed natural.  It may sound hard to believe but I felt comfortable and connected with this crew. They were on the rise of running the whole village from that office and part of me wanted to stay there and be a part of it.
On our last day the boys took us  out for lunch and a game of 8-ball on the most haggard pool table I've ever played on. Then it was a long goodbye at at the station. I realized how much we'd bonded by how we departed. There were even some tears shed, but I won't mention any names. And I won't forget their names either. They are my Indian brothers for life and I can not thank them enough or imagine a better way to finish our time in India.  Mere bhai theek ho!

Read Day 47

A Disfunctional Diary of India- Khir Ganga to Manikaran to Chandigarh: Day 40

I only use my mobile phone for it's alarm function now. It was set for 6:30AM. Up with the sun, gone with the wind. We had a long, long day ahead with lots of ground. It began with a fast paced hike out of the deep woods that separated Khir Ganga from everywhere else. We power walked our way through it, jumping streams and hopping over rocks like Fred Penner on a coke binge. We found a path that the village kids used everyday to walk to school in Barshani. They led us into the small town where we had cheap breakfast and waited for the bus back back to Manikaran. It wasn't so crowded this time so we sat inside on seats like normal people do. But I instantly wished I was back on the roof when a large group of gay Indian tourists began singing every lousy pop song they could think of, at top volume.
We arrived back in Manikaran before noon to reclaim our motorcylces and backpacks. Then we made a quick stop in Kasol to purchase chillums. The guy we bought them from, Rahul, was a good salesman, but he would not let us go without hitting his own personal chillum first. So once again we did something I didn't plan on doing but very much enjoyed... riding stoned. It helped us focus gain focus on our mission- to make it to Chandigarh in time for a well deserved meal at Sindy Sweets, the same classy restaurant we had indulged ourselves at the first night on the road. We drove all the way into the darkness of 10:00 night traffic. We had the determination of a waterproof match, but when we finally pulled into the parking lot of Sindy Sweets, the flame got stomped out. It was like a bad movie scene as we ran towards the entrance and the security guard put his hand out to halt us while he flipped the 'open' sign on its ass. Strike one. We kicked dirt and then borrowed a street vendors phone to make a call. We had previously made couch surfing arrangements to stay at someone's house, but the idiot wasn't even in Chandigarh that night. He was miles away in Khir Ganga, where we had just come from. Strike two. No place to stay, no food to eat, no patience left. The first priority was trying to hunt down a place to eat at almost 11:00PM. We were weak with hunger and couldn't think straight. We walked back to the bikes and discovered that Jon's back tire was dead flat. Strike three. On the brink of a public blow-up, we were approached by a little Nepalese dude who seemed to sense our misfortune. After many questions he led us to a local eatery and sat down with us while we ordered. I made a comment about his pen and he gave it to me and then left like a 10 minute angel. Never even got the guy's name.
The next task was finding a mechanic shop, where we would have to sleep on our bikes until it opened in the morning. We found a gas station where we filled Jon's back tire up, which gave us more time and distance to locate a mechanic. It took a frustrating hour of slow rolling all over the city with bad directions from everyone we asked. Eventually two cops pointed us to a gas station with a garage that would open at 8:00AM. There were a few drunken locals there who were very intent on helping, but Jon and I had reached the end of our rope and just wanted to rest. The only sober one in the group was sheepish looking kid named Romy. He invited us to stay at his flat, only 5 minutes away. It was a fairly easy decision, despite the fact that I'd wanted to sleep on my motorcycle the entire trip and this was the last opportunity.
It was obvious when we settled in at Romy's place, that we were the first foreign guests he'd had as company. Romy was freshmen in College and shared a small 2nd floor flat with his little brother. His two friends, Vikky and Nanu came along too, excitedly offering snacks, taking pictures and asking innocent questions while we sat there trying to keep our eyes open. It was as if they had discovered a U.F.O., and as tired as we were, we did our best to hang out with them. We didn't get to sleep until 3:00AM, but we were grateful to experience the Indian hospitality we had only heard about until now.

Read Day 41 - 46