KEEP MOVING

I made one phone call to the Flan Man for a place to crash, then I packed most of my needed and cherished shit into 2 backpacks, the infamous powder blue LTD Bowling bag and 1 environmentally friendly grocery bag, wrote a rather un- thought out note, ate some leftover pizza, and walked out.  It was time. Everything was telling me this, from within and without.

Yeah, I know, one would easily question why a 26 year old in about ten grand of debt and no car would choose to pack up and move out with no real certainty of a firm place to stay. And I myself question this move too because on the outside it looks like I’m heading backwards down a very unknown road. The circumstances aren’t as noble sounding as that dude from “Into the Wild.” He knew what he was doing, or wasn’t doing, but me, all I know is that for some outlandish reason, it’s written in the blueprint… I’m meant to be doing this; bouncing around, all over the city, anywhere n’ anyway I can with a backpack on, music in the ears and a million different thoughts waiting to be put to paper. How can I feel shitty about my situation when the resilience of writing is at an all time high. Label this as the summer of self-discovery for me. A vastly growing awareness that there are still people I have to meet, places I have to find and experiences I have to endure in order to fully understand who I am and what the hell I’m really here for. Because right now I’m only going with what feels right and that is to keep moving. Once again, I hope you understand.

Idle will kill.

There’s a chance that I’ll look back on this later and shake my head with mild flavored embarrassment, but I highly doubt it. Maybe it’s the Bukowski I’ve been digging so much lately. Maybe it’s the Iggy Pop in the headphones. Maybe it’s something I’ll never totally be able to explain to the ones I love and they’ll resent me for it. But there’s nothing I can do about it right now. Whatever’s happening to this kid here is too refreshing to turn back. I only worry about Charlie. I only hope she understands and finds herself and everything else she needs as well. That she doesn’t give up on me. I’m preparing for a drastic change of lifestyle in a future I still can’t see yet. But it’s very hard to imagine without her. What’s meant to be will be no matter how bleak it can feel at times, I remain positive.

As time rolls on, decisions are made and the money is saved I feel stronger and happily separate from the pack but still, like everyone else, I wish there were more damn hours in a day.